| Vol 3 - Issue 1 | October 1998 |
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Top Ten Rejected Sailboat Racing Rules By Bill Mattson 10. If reasonably possible, a boat not racing shall not interfere with a boat that is racing. However, a boat who's skipper is hanging over the side relieving himself in the manner of #1 shall have the right of way at all times. A skipper who is hanging over the side relieving himself in the manner of #2 shall be asked to leave the course. 9. A boat intending to protest because of an incident occurring in the racing area that she is aware of shall hail 'Protest' and conspicuously display a red flag and may hurl empty beer bottles at the offending boat, taking reasonable measures to avoid hitting the skipper or crew in the head. 7. The use of drugs and alcohol are prohibited except to the extent that empty beer bottles be "produced" for use during a protest. 6. When a protesting boat's skipper is hanging off the rear crossbar shaking his fist at an offending boat, and his inattention causes his boat to go into a gybe, and the boom beans him in the head, the offending boat's skipper and crew must acknowledge the protest by laughing hysterically. 5. During a start, if a competitor hits the committee boat, a special black and blue individual recall flag will be displayed. This signals that the RC may now board the offending boat and beat the crap out of the skipper. When the skipper has been sufficiently beaten, the recall flag will be lowered, and the offending boat may restart. 4. When a boat is required to carry weight, such weight shall be in the form of pork chops. 3. When an offending boat is contesting a protest, she must hail "I've got your 360 right here in my pants." 2. Pants must be worn at all times. 1. The use of tactical weaponry such as heat seeking missiles will be considered unsportsmanlike conduct, unless the user fires a warning shot across the target's bow first. Bill Mattson mattson@earthlink.net Back to Humor |