Hi all,
I have been watching this forum for a while and noticed there has never been a topic on sailing with your spouse. Does anyone here exclusively sail with their spouse or even go racing with their spouse? Any good arguments?
I have to watch what I say here because my wife also reads these forums (love 'ya, baby!!), but my wife is a chicken!! She is my helmsman on our new to us Capricorn F18. In her position, she has an immense amount of power to determine how fast we go. I really had to let go of my need to control by turning that duty off to her. Since crewing on the F-18 is more physically demanding, we decided that it is best for me to crew and her to steer.
The problem is that when the wind begins to blow over 10 kts and we start to fly a hull, she steers up wind. It drives me CRAZY!!! We had a H-16 for a few years that very rarely flew a hull. With the F-18, it can fly a hull very easily. She is getting better in low winds to let the hull fly but when the wind picks up, the moment the hull raises, she steers upwind. This has been the source of many "lively" discussions while sailing!!
We only pitched once by accident on the H-16 and tipped one other time intentionally, so she can't say that she has spent a huge amount of time in the water as a result of hull flying. She is just afraid. I tell her that its not like I want the boat to go over, so just let me fly and if anything happens, we will deal with it. But because of her role on the boat, she determines our speed and I really have no say in the matter. Most frustrating!!
Any ideas on getting her past this obstacle? I would like to race sometime, but I don't know if my ego could handle being the last boat over the finish line every time.
Thanks!

I sail almost exclusively with my wife. I stated sailing when I was about 8 and moved to cats about 20 years ago, I’m 48 now. Not long after that we started sailing and racing together. She had no sailing experience. We sailed Hobie 16 for several years, then a Nacra5.5 SL and for the past three years a Nacra F18. I am the helmsman, she crews. If she were at the helm, we would be all over the place. In all those years with her on the boat, we only flipped once on a H16 in big wind and waves, timed a tack wrong and hit a wave as the boat came head to wind, had too much weight aft and rolled over backwards.

I do sail with others both on our boat and others boats and have raced with others but it’s pretty rare. She too has sailed and raced with other skippers on their boats. One race on the 5.5, I took a hobie 18 owner as crew and she crewed on his boat for his skipper. We have a first place trophy for both H18 and open class on the shelf from that race. But I prefer to have her on our boat.

The best I can tell you is to hang in there and keep your cool. One of our first races together, we were blowing tacks like crazy, I blew up at her and finished the race with her sitting in the middle of the boat with her back to the mast giving me the silent treatment.

There are others on here that sail with their wives, come on Butch, tell us some stories, I know you have some good ones.

--
Ron
Nacra F18
Reservoir Sailing Assn.
Brandon, Mississippi
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I don't race but have sailed with my wife a lot. She does not like to skipper, and I don't mind her being rail meat. I would have a similar issue, where she would chicken out to early when the wind picked up. It completely will depend on the wife, but mine would not be interested in racing. She enjoys the social and relaxation aspect of it more then being competitive. Like I said I don't race, but like most sailors get a little competitive when I see another boat on the water.

To me it sounds like she needs to get more comfortable with the boat and the limits of her and the boat. When I was young I flipped my H16 a lot, often for fun and as something to do. Now I have a H18 and rarely flip it, but know the limits and what it feels like when you approach them.

--
Scott,
‘92 H18 w/SX wings
‘95 Hobie Funseeker 12 (Holder 12)
‘96/‘01/‘14 Hobie Waves
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Our sailing club has for fun races and you get handicap points for sailing with your wife or significant other.

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Dustin Finlinson • Magna, UT
Member: Utah Sailing Association
1982 Prindle 18
1986 Hobie 17
1982 Prindle 16
1980 Prindle 16(mostly)
1976 Prindle 16(mostly)
Check out "Prindle Sailors" on Facebook.
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Bleed the traveler off 8-15" when the wind picks up and you take the mainsheet while on the wire. Pete

pbegle

Bleed the traveler off 8-15" when the wind picks up and you take the mainsheet while on the wire. Pete

Fortunately, I have retained control of the mainsheet and my wife just steers. I don't need travel out to lose power. My wife does a great job at that simply by steering.

Good topic, I hope to sail with my wife. She has had less than stellar experience with cats before. I hope to negate that.

--
Mike Brady
Sugar Land, TX
Sailing off Magnolia Beach in Lavaca Bay TX
http://358degrees.blogspot.com/
P16 "Pooh Cat"
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Great topic. I sailed a good bit thru college on a Force 5 then sold it before I married. We've been married 25 years now and I got back into sailing last year with my H18. My wife likes to go "cruise". She's not really wired for speeding around the lake and not sure she would get a buzz flying a hull - but I do plan to ease her into it.

If your wife enjoys competition and likes living on the edge it would be a blast to crew together in a race. Ron, I was laughing out loud - I could so see that same expression from my wife - locked up and not moving!

--
David
Memphis, TN
'84 Hobie 18
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~~ This is a good topic, but some things have to be considered !!! If you flip yer cat or she falls off cause she got wacked by a big wave or whatever... can she get back on??? That was a problem we faced one day. We were out in some fairly strong winds that made fairly big waves. Not the kind of winds to be on the wire, but we could sit on the seats and still move nice & fast... a nice comfy ride. We have no idea where this larger than usual big wave came from, but it knocked her off and she almost took me with her. Good thing that didn't happen, the boat would'av sailed by itself,(sheeted in & locked in)... we would'av been left out there !!!! Well I went back and got her but she had trouble getting back on even with my help.... most women don't have the upper body strength to pull themselves UP... I had a hold of her belt trying to pull her up but I was also kinda in her way. After some cussin & tuggin she was on. If ya think of it it puts both of you in trouble in an odd way (things can happen out there beyond your means)........ Another thing to think about... can she or your crew sail your monster to turn around and get you if YOU fall off ???? We take friends, or family, or yer wife/girlfriend/"F-buddy" for a good sail and it turns out to be a disaster... someone got hurt or they drowned...
~~~~~~~~~~~ SAIL SAFE.... ~~~~~~~ Paul ~~~

--
~ Vietnam Vet 69-71~ 17 Hobie w/big jib, ~18 Hobie mag,~DN Ice sailor,
and other toys.......
~~ I live in NY state on the north shore of Oneida lake in
Bernhards Bay. ~~~~~~
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It's been my observation that:
--fellas never bother to actually teach their SO how to sail, and then get frustrated when the SO doesn't have a clue. Teach the poor girl HOW to sail, she might just save your ass one day, and at the very least will enjoy the experience of sailing more fully.
--fellas never PRACTICE FLIPPING THE BOAT. So SO is terrified of what is actually a relatively commonplace experience and will be clueless in the situation. That includes also knowing how to get back on the boat as Paul has mentioned. There are techniques other than just hauling yourself up. F'rinstance, using the dolphin striker as a step or going over the aft crossbar which is closer to the water.

I can't count the times that girls have come up to me to ask questions that AFAIC their beaux should have answered for them early in the sailing experience.

Here's yer sign: WHATEVER HAPPENS ON THE BOAT IS THE SKIPPER'S FAULT. If the crew is inexperienced and makes mistakes, it's still the skipper's fault, because the skipper should have taken steps to compensate for the inexperience.

ericweller

pbegle

Bleed the traveler off 8-15" when the wind picks up and you take the mainsheet while on the wire. Pete

Fortunately, I have retained control of the mainsheet and my wife just steers. I don't need travel out to lose power. My wife does a great job at that simply by steering.

Eric, i think Pete is on the money with the traveler (maybe not 15" but a few at least in med - heavy air) ... it's not to depower the cat, it's to reduce its healing motion when hit with gusts. this can help her gain more confidence and over time reduce her "pinching".

Thanks Tami, you raise some good points. My wife is very good about trying to cat sail again after having some less than wonderful experiences on sailboats. I guess if I had been rescued off a burning monohull by the Coast Guard and caught in a bad storm on a cat that had gotten in irons and blown into a small lagoon I would be leery also.
I am approaching this by having her take baby steps. I want her to get comfortable with the process of rigging the boat with me, (the first attempt at stepping the mast was a bit rough but the next time went ok), before we ever get the boat near the bay.
The first time we do get the boat wet, I am going to keep the beach in sight and keep the trip short. My wife learns by doing so I want to keep the first trip as simple as possible.
I am also pretty set on keeping the hulls in the water until she gets confident that she can handle the boat and even then I will keep the main sheet in hand and spill it if need be to keep us from having an issue she is not prepared for. I doubt we will ever push the boat much but I do want her to be able to sail and understand how stuff works.

--
Mike Brady
Sugar Land, TX
Sailing off Magnolia Beach in Lavaca Bay TX
http://358degrees.blogspot.com/
P16 "Pooh Cat"
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My wife sails quite often with me. She is fine being on the wire, even in some rough seas, BUT, she doesn't want to tip.
She has no real interest in being skipper, running the jib is fine, & though onbly 125lb, it makes a HUGE difference on my 5.7 to put her on the wire. She commonly blows the jib to early in tacks, so I make sure I never sail in higher winds in tight spots with her as crew.
As Ron said, yelling at them gains very little during the sail,even less come bedtime!
She & my buddy were both on the wire during a 15 mile run a few weeks ago, where that Cat was going the fastest I've ever experienced, 21 mph. Mostly she likes to "cruies sail".
Tami is right, we often don't teach them well enough, or exhibit enough patience.
Most of the "training" I've done was with very motivated students, in high performance jets. Their career depended on sucessful completeion of the course, so they lived, breathed, slept that jet. It takes a whole different mindset to teach when the student may have no background, or little apptitude for the sport.
My wife has jumped ship several times to swim & cool off. I never use the rear beam, as it is easy to bend the tiller tie bar. She uses the V-brace at the front, or reaches up to grap a trap handle. Then while pulling herself upwards, swings a leg over the hull, & sort of rolls the rest of the way.

--
Hobie 18 Magnum
Dart 15
Mystere 6.0XL Sold Was a handful solo
Nacra 5.7
Nacra 5.0
Bombardier Invitation (Now officially DEAD)
Various other Dock cluttering WaterCrap
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I had a serious incident where I took my wife sailing and she fell off. I dropped the sails but just couldn't get her back on. She wasn't strong enough and I wasn't strong enough to lift her.

I solved this problem by undermounting a telescoping retractable ladder to the front beam. It works AWESOME, and a length of bungee made it self retracting. I havent presented it yet because I don't have good pictures but here is a crappy one. http://www.thebeachcats.c…ictures/?g2_itemId=80556. It is just 2 saddles through bolted to the front beam with 4 stainless bolts. The ladder itself has a curved top with stops that bear against he saddles (not the dolphinstriker). When not in use it folds up under the tramp. The ladder I used is here:http://www.westmarine.com…Num=10397&classNum=10398 The under platform mounted one.

She will likely never be a fan of sailing howling fast with the hull in the air, but at least she can easily board now. I'm pretty happy about it too. The ladder is rock solid and I know if I get exhausted I will still be able to haul my fat butt on the boat also! Probably the best addition I have made to the boat since I sail with non-sailors a LOT.

--
Dave Bonin
1981 Nacra 5.2 "Lucile"
1986 Nacra 5.7 "Belle"
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
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Wolfman

I had a serious incident where I took my wife sailing and she fell off. I dropped the sails but just couldn't get her back on. She wasn't strong enough and I wasn't strong enough to lift her.

I solved this problem by undermounting a telescoping retractable ladder to the front beam. It works AWESOME, and a length of bungee made it self retracting. I havent presented it yet because I don't have good pictures but here is a crappy one. http://www.thebeachcats.c…ictures/?g2_itemId=80556. It is just 2 saddles through bolted to the front beam with 4 stainless bolts. The ladder itself has a curved top with stops that bear against he saddles (not the dolphinstriker). When not in use it folds up under the tramp. The ladder I used is here:http://www.westmarine.com…Num=10397&classNum=10398 The under platform mounted one.

She will likely never be a fan of sailing howling fast with the hull in the air, but at least she can easily board now. I'm pretty happy about it too. The ladder is rock solid and I know if I get exhausted I will still be able to haul my fat butt on the boat also! Probably the best addition I have made to the boat since I sail with non-sailors a LOT.

How much weight you think that ladder can handle without bending something important?
How easy is it to use?

It looks pretty slick.

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Dustin Finlinson • Magna, UT
Member: Utah Sailing Association
1982 Prindle 18
1986 Hobie 17
1982 Prindle 16
1980 Prindle 16(mostly)
1976 Prindle 16(mostly)
Check out "Prindle Sailors" on Facebook.
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Wolfman,
That ladder looks like a great idea. So far my wife and I seem to be able to get back on the nacra but that is not in some rough seas. I would imagine it would be much more difficult with the boat pitching up and down on ya. My Daughter has a collapsible ladder like that she said I could have but I have not seen it yet. I hope it is small and compact and I can incorporate it easily somewhere on the boat.

So far my wife seems to be enjoying sailing with me and the kids on the Nacra. Especially nice when the wind is blowing decent. She is really getting the hang of the jib and is able to get it setup usually before I can get the mainsail tidied up when we tack. Amazing what power that little jib can add to the boat. Coming from mostly using that Hobie 14 which did not have a jib it is an eye opener. It also seems to allow us propulsion when the wind is at odd angles to us or in low wind situations due to land/tree/house wind obstacles...

I have tried to get her to take the mainsail and rudder but she refuses so far. I tell her that if something were to happen to me while we are out there she would have to be able to get back to shore or pick me up should I fall off or something stupid like that. I think eventually she will do it but my wife is the kind of person who will only do something when she is ready for it. If I try to push her she only gets upset and occasionally that can get real ugly... SO I just make suggestions and hope some of them stick in her mind. So far she is content to put on her bikini and get out on the lake and get some sun and enjoy watching the kids swim and put their feet in the water as it rushes by the hull.. I know there is a much larger area just south of knoxville that is a great place to sail and there is actually a sailing club there. I hope to get a little better at sailing this thing around here and then take it up there one day on a good windy day with my wife and I and a babysitter for the kids back home. Then maybe I can get her to man the helm as it were... peace

Pete

You can always have her just steer and you keep both the jib sheet and the main sheet to start with. She is probably afraid of the main. Tell her all it is is the gas pedal. Pull it in to go faster let it out to slow down.

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Dustin Finlinson • Magna, UT
Member: Utah Sailing Association
1982 Prindle 18
1986 Hobie 17
1982 Prindle 16
1980 Prindle 16(mostly)
1976 Prindle 16(mostly)
Check out "Prindle Sailors" on Facebook.
--

My gf likes to sail with me on inland lakes, but refuses to step foot on the boat at the beach. She is afraid she will be eaten by a shark. BE careful when helping someone aboard your boat with long hair. My gf was having trouble boarding one day and I reached down and grabbed to by the shoulder straps on her life jacket to pull her up. I succeded in pulling her up, but also pulled out some of her hair in the process. She was none to pleased with me and my impatience on her getting back on.

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Griff
Hobie 16
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
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My wife (then GF) raced with me when we first bought an International 470, but she hated racing and after a year said she'd rather gouge her own eyes out than race. Later we got a Hobie 16 and she loves sailing fast and straight (no tacks). Then we traded in the Hobie for kids, but now the kids are a bit older we have a Prindle 16. Folks bring up some good points that I need to think about as far as practicing righting and figuring out a way to get people back onboard. I had to haul the wife up onboard last time in chest deep water.

--
John Fricker
Prindle 16
Seabrook, Texas
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Shark week is not helping much!My wife loves the slow roll,fly'em high.


one board willie(nacra5.2)
ventura,ca

HA!...My gf revealed to me her girls probably wouldn't take a spin on the nacra I just bought because they had just seen the old Jaws movie with the cat being attacked...I talked to them and told them that one was a Hobie and this is a "totally different boat" ;) ....now they are asking me when they can go!! Kids!

As far as getting your best friend to take on new jobs on the boat, it seems that might be a situation where another friend (preferrably female) could take them out for a spin.(?) Sure might make it more relaxing. Also, don't forget to tell the jib operator how they affect things for the helmsperson....like weather helm and the ability to tac...they may want to experience that so they can see how much of a difference a well trimmed jib can make for the whole team...


Good Luck,
Bert

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Bert Scott
Niceville, FL
Nacra F18
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I've only been sailing a short while. Something I always wanted to do, so after retiring I bought an 82 H16 for a song thanks to some advice from this group. I've been out on it several times and feel confident in all but heavy winds. My wife thoroughly enjoys it, though she thought I was having an old life crisis at first. She was even bitching that the winds were too light last time we were out. She can handle the jib, and knows where to be on the boat. She also likes to sail nude if at all possible, so that's an incentive to include her as crew.

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Bruce Henry
Lithonia and Lakemont, Georgia
82 Hobie 16
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Ha!...Sounds like we might need to get together and order some bumper stickers along the lines of the old "surf naked" theme!! How does "hike buff" sound?...too much like backpacking I'm afraid...maybe a new thread to get suggestions would take off (no punn intended).

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Bert Scott
Niceville, FL
Nacra F18
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tparrish

BE careful when helping someone aboard your boat with long hair.

VERY TRUE tparrish! I took two ladies sailing during a family beach trip. One of them had medium hair and as we were launching through the surf into an almost straight on breeze I had to move the jib to the other side. I needed their weight forward as we punched through the waves so she was on the front beam and leaning forward. Well, as my jib blocks moved past the mast to her side of the boat her hair got caught in the blocks!!

So now I was battling an oncoming breeze, waves, and a yelling lady whose hair was on fire! And I could not move my jib!

We had a break in the wave sets, got the boat spun around and surfed in. Took a few minutes to get her hair out of the jib blocks but every lady from that point forward (still brave enough to sail with me) wore a hat. That's now a rule on my boat. Ladies must wear a hat.

Oh, and Tami your are right "Whatever happens on the boat is the skippers fault". I just did not see that one coming.

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David
Memphis, TN
'84 Hobie 18
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